A lot of people think that Parental Alienation is very obvious and easy to identify – but the truth is indirect manipulation of a child is probably the most used tactic. This produces the “independent thinker” phenomena in the child. My ex says all the time that he does not stop my daughter from seeing me. What he doesn’t realize is he doesn’t have to directly say it, his actions, his wife’s actions, their carefully selected words and the seeds that are planted have contributed to the alienation. Due to the continuous indirect manipulation, my daughter is showing signs of splitting. She is thinking in very black and white terms – all good or all bad. This is unrealistic – there is no middle ground. So to her – I am the all bad and her Father and Stepmother are the all good. I am the abuser, the neglectful parent, the parent who doesn’t care. Her Father and Stepmother are all good – they are the only ones who care, they are her protectors, they satisfy her needs.
Watch this video from Ryan Thomas – from a former alienated child’s view about how this can occur.
My daughter has a very strong opinion that she is an independent thinker – that she has arrived at all of her conclusions about me on her own. She is the one in control and she is the one making the decision to not see me. Over time, Ryan explains how the words and the tactics used by his Mother eventually removed all visits with his Dad. Ryan equated bad things happening to his Dad and as a child – it is understandable how this can take place. The systematic approach – the hidden messages – the adults controlling the environment all contributed to the alienation. As you can see Ryan explain that in parental alienation indirect manipulation is a very successful tool. It makes the child believe they are in control and they are making these decisions on their own. These tactics are like planting a seed – each time a seed is planted – it will grow. Just as with alienation, the seeds are planted and eventually they grow and flourish – to the point of complete alienation.