can be both positive and negative but mostly negative. Of course, I have experienced both.
I am “Friends” with my daughter on Facebook – if you can call it “Friends”. I remained friends on Facebook because was one of the few ways I could get some insight into my daughter’s life away from me. I get no updates from her Father on anything – in fact the only contact I have with him is about money. For an alienated parent like myself just seeing a photo of my daughter or seeing what types of things she posts, makes me feel a bit connected. I hoped it would help provide rationalization or even answers to my confusion and questions. I learned that it has probably just added to the confusion and has increased the questioning. There are no answers just a lot of hurt. My daughter posts typical teen things about boys, make-up, her friends and things going on at school – her stepmother on the other hand is the one that is providing most of the information. She posts very regularly and these posts are about the wonderful family they have, tags my daughter in every picture or post and raves about all the things she/they do. She has a cheering section – they rave about how wonderful she is and what a great Mother she is but it is like her group of followers/friends are patting her on the back for stepping in as my daughter’s Mother since her Mother is so bad. She takes ownership of my daughter on Facebook using terms like “my” “our” “my daughter” etc. My daughter – likes all of her stepmother’s posts and tells her how much she loves her on Facebook for all to see.
Is this good for me to see? Is this healthy? Absolutely not!! I have felt heartbroken many times because of the posts I have seen yet . . . I still remain “Friends” with my daughter. I am amazed at how wonderful and perfect everything is . . . I can’t understand how this could be. How can my daughter not miss me? How can she not be posting things about how much she misses me? How can she just wipe me out of her life and attach herself to someone who isn’t her Mother? How does she not acknowledge me on Mother’s Day and then later I see her Stepmother post about what a wonderful Mother’s Day she had along with the multitude of pictures of the beautiful craft my daughter made for her? Why does my daughter not say anything on Facebook like “Happy Birthday Mom”? Why are there posts about how much she misses her Father and Stepmother saying she is going to stay up all night waiting for them to return from their trip? They were gone for a one week trip and I have been out of her life for over a year and there has never been a post about that. I only speak of what my daughter’s stepmother posts because her Father and I blocked each other years ago so I don’t see any of his posts.
Facebook has become a forum for bullying – my daughter and her stepmother are very good at it. They are a united front and often I see a pack mentality including the promoters joining forces (paternal grandparents, friends and other family) commenting when the negative attention is turned toward me. I have chosen to post about parental alienation on my Facebook page. I post videos, information, ideas, quotes about missing someone, quotes about hope, love, a Mother’s love etc. I do this hoping that something will hit a nerve with my daughter or maybe she will read the information I put on my page and she will recognize something that relates to her. I dream of an epiphany or a “light bulb” moment but it never happens. Sometimes I do hit a nerve with my posts and then she retaliates with pledging allegiance – demeaning me and protecting the alienators. This is also when the pack comes out – they like and promote it. Telling her she is brave and strong for standing up for herself and her family. Her family does not include me, her Grandparents or her siblings who are not alienated on my side, it only equates to her Father, Stepmother, siblings (her Father and Stepmother have two small children) and everyone else on her paternal side.
I recently posted an article on my Facebook page that described how the target parent feels when Facebook is used to hurt. In this case, the writer wrote about how a Stepmother and child join forces to bully the Mother.
Facebook will be full today of “shove it in your face” salutations from manipulated children gushing over the women who have destroyed their natural feelings for their own mothers. And somewhere a woman will weep while another woman and a stolen child high five one another with “wait until she sees THAT one.” That woman will not see the pain behind the child’s eyes as she says and does what she has to keep that woman happy. Those posts will then be commented on by all the people who support that woman in destroying the child. They will type in their words of encouragement and testaments to what a great mother that woman is compared to the biological mother. There will be more high fives and laughter as a mother weeps.
That is what we have become as people.
This must have hit a nerve with my daughter because later that day she said this on Facebook:
“If you have something to say to me then say it. Stop acting like you’re the victim. If you’re gonna post indirectly about me and my family I’m gonna catch on but two can play at that game”.
Of course, the pack came out and loads of likes including the Stepmother and other family/friends. I didn’t delete the post nor will I because it speaks to my truth. What hurts the most is my daughter’s delineation of her use of the word “family”. Am I not “family”? Am I not your Mother? Since when should disrespect be met with cheers and pats on the back?
I am considering hitting the “unfriend” button soon. When the time is right for me. I will let you know how it goes.