I am an alienated Mom. My purpose here is to explain what has occurred in my situation. It is an ongoing struggle of alienation – little to no contact – absolutely no overnight visits in almost a year – my daughter has entered into the house she grew up in a total of three times since she moved in with her Father.
It has almost been a year since I have had a proper visit with my daughter. She will be 15 in March, 2016 and realizing that she has been gone that long has been very difficult to deal with. I never knew what alienation was and would never have been able to put a name to it but I knew this was something greater and far-reaching than just myself. There must be others who have gone through the same thing so I have decided to post about my experiences. It doesn’t matter if you are a Mother or a Father, the pain of alienation is the same. This is a gender neutral issue and I hope my blog will help both Mothers and Fathers alike who are dealing with this. I am an alienated Mom and for me it is very important to offer my story so others can recognize what is happening before it is too late. For me it may very well be too late, perhaps things will change – perhaps there will be a light that will bring my daughter back to me. Maybe one day.
The day she didn’t return:
My daughter went for her regular visit with her Dad in early March and never returned. Our visitation schedule had been mutually agreed upon but changed from the original schedule (without lawyers). It was from Wednesday to Wednesday – one week on and one week off. When she wasn’t with me, I heard from her by phone every evening and the same went for her Father. This seemed to work – with glitches of course but I will get to that later. Instead of her returning on the Wednesday evening of my week, I received a text from her Father to meet with him. I had no idea what was going on – I had heard from her all week and there was no sign that there was anything wrong. I met with her Father at a local coffee shop and he began to tell me that our daughter is scared of me, was having anxiety issues and that my relationship with her was “volatile”. He told me that she wanted to live with him and didn’t want to see me anymore. He told me he had taken our daughter to counselling (without my knowledge) for her anxiety issues. I told him that he can’t keep her and not return her – he said he can and he has already checked with a lawyer and I don’t have a leg to stand on. Our daughter was 13 years old and soon turning 14 and according to him she can decide where she wants to live. He kept using the phrases: “in her best interest”, “what’s best for E***”. His body language was very intimidating, he sat with his arms crossed across the table from me and continued to speak in a way that he had the upper hand. He then he proceeded to hand me a letter. The letter was from my daughter and it read:
I am writing this because I have decided to live with my dad. This is not a recent decision, I have known I needed to do this for a while. Lately my grades and effort have been dropping due to the stress of our arguments and, as you probably know, my schooling is my first priority. I can’t handle the constant arguing between us and I think this will be good for both of us. We don’t have the “mother daughter” relationship I need and maybe this will help us in the future but for now I need to do this for me. I am not doing this to hurt you or spite you or to make my dad happy I am simply doing this to better myself. The environment I have at your house is too strenuous and I need to be somewhere that I feel safe, happy and at peace. I have tried more than once to fix our relationship but there is just nothing I can do anymore. This does not mean I don’t love you because I do, I am just doing this so I can be better for myself and those around me. I hope you can respect my decision because I know this isn’t easy but I need to do this.
Love, From E***